Discussing Breast Cancer

This year I’m hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 18 family members. Both my side of the family and my husband’s will be coming. So I’ve been preparing; shopping, cleaning, you know the drill. (Check out this countdown on Kids Dish if you are feeling overwhelmed and looking for help getting organized!)

The problem I keep running into is that I keep getting choked up.

Last Thanksgiving my mother was in the midst of chemotherapy and I was about to undergo my hysterectomy. We enjoyed ourselves with the big black cloud hanging over our heads but still, it was there. It wasn’t out best year, to say the least. This year feels so celebratory for us. And by us, I mean me and my mom. We keep talking about how blessed we are, how thankful we are … to be alive. To be spending Thanksgiving with our families again. I’ll bet that’s what the Pilgrims really felt … relief and joy at being alive. Thanking God because it was clear to them that He provided for them.

It is different for us, however, because the connection to God’s provisional care isn’t as strong. Most of us work to earn the money to buy groceries from a store. We aren’t sowing our land and reaping what we sow. But those Pilgrims … well, they knew that the land was feeding them and God created the land and they were thankful.

In the case of me and my mom … we know God provided for us. With doctors and diagnostics and caregivers. We knew and we are thankful.

This year we give thanks to God, for:

• Doctors, nurses and other health care providers
• Mammography, ultrasound and other diagnostic procedures
• Healthy breasts, healthy ovaries and healthy bodies
• Family, friends and neighbors who are both
• Flowers, fruit and gifts bestowed upon us
• Sunshine, rain and the wind beneath our wings
• Paid work, pro bono work and the opportunity to volunteer
• Children … mine, yours and everyone’s
• The gift of an earthly life and each day we are gifted to add to it

What are you most thankful for?

cancer, breast cancer, Thanksgiving

I’ve been thinking about the woman I know that was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Her double mastectomy was this week and she’s schedule to start chemo within the next two weeks. A close friend and neighbor is coordinating her care — the meals being delivered, the rides for her kids, company for chemo trips, that kind of thing — and it brings me back to my own trials.

I’m a planner, and though I’m not as organized as I was before having three children to account for, I’m pretty much on top of things at home. I kept a master calendar when I was laid up so that I could easily see who was bringing us a meal, who was chauffeuring my kids around, who was bringing me to/from the doctor. I had my laptop with me wherever I was (couch vs. bed) and referred to it constantly.

If I’d have known about these sites! Actually, if my husband had known. Here’s an easy way for your primary caregiver to organize the information that needs to be disseminated and needs to be coordinated. Since November is National Family Caregiver’s Month, I’m happy to provide this information to all of you caregivers out there.

Speaking of caregivers … my last Inspire! Internet talk radio show covered just that — with a focus on getting through the holidays. Check that out when you have a minute.

OKAY, back to the sites I want to share with you. First, there’s CarePages — once you set up an account, you can send updates to everyone at once and limit the number of phone calls you need to make; that’s a serious stress saver. People can also easily offer you words of support — what a nice feature, to be able to read the inspirational messages that people so want to send your way. There’s a lot more to do on that site, so check it out.

Then, there’s CareCalendar — with this site it is easy to not only send updates but list needs and others can see what unmet need you have and sign up to help right online. CarePages might allow that as well, but I’m not sure … so this is the place I’d start if that’s of interest.

Oh, and by the way … if you ARE helping someone this winter by bringing a meal over, forget the overdone casseroles and pasta dishes. Make a hearty bowl of soup (try this recipe!) and bring some crusty bread over along with a fresh green salad. And don’t forget dessert!

Did you know that nearly 60% of women regard hair loss as the single worst side effect of cancer treatment? I didn’t, but I’m not surprised. When I was first diagnosed one of my first feelings was terror over the fact that I might lose my hair. A close friend of mine rallied, saying she’d shave her head if I faced that reality.

I never did lose my hair. Sometimes I think my bout with cancer wasn’t real because I still have my hair (then I look at my scars and say, oh yeah, it was real).

Anyway, a woman (”hairjazz75″) commented on my site yesterday about her involvement as an ambassador for the Pantene Beautiful Lengths and Million Inch Chain program. “Together we are trying to gather 1 million inches of hair to make into wigs for women with cancer. A lot of women get really insecure about losing their hair due to chemo treatment. So we try and help them regain their confidence so they can fight this disease,” she said. I pulled her comment to post here because this is such a special thing women can do to help other women. It’s easy — hair just grows, it is up to you not to cut it until it is long enough to donate. I just spent some time poking around that site and found great link to see and share photos on Flickr — of women with their new dos and their beautiful lengths of usable hair. They make me proud.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard of Locks of Love. While the Pantene program makes wigs specifically for women with cancer, Locks of Love helps children.

Hillary Swank is working with the folks at Pantene — here’s the direct link to a Q & A with her. Check out the You Tube video of her Oprah appearance last week:

Don’t you think Lindsay Lohan could get on this band wagon? Geesh … the women that could use that hair!

FYI … hair must form a ponytail that is at least eight inches long and it takes six ponytails to make one wig. Lindsay?

breast cancer, cancer, Hilary Swank, Lindsay Lohan, Pantene Beautiful Lengths, Locks of Love

Researchers have developed a new model to determine if you face an increased risk of breast cancer. They define “increased risk” as a 2 percent chance of developing breast cancer over the next five years. Taking Tamoxifen might reduce that risk for women who meet the criteria — so this assessment is worth considering.

Using data from the WHI study (Women’s Health Initiative), a 15-year research program involving 161,808 postmenopausal women and funded by the National Institutes of Health, the researchers found postmenopausal women were at an “increased risk” of developing breast cancer if they were:

• 55 years of age or older and had either had a breast biopsy at any time, regardless of findings, or had a first-degree relative (mother, sister or daughter) who had breast cancer diagnosed at any age.

The article, entitled “Predicting Risk of Breast Cancer in Postmenopausal Women by Hormone Receptor Status,” appears in The Journal of the National Cancer Institute. Here’s the reported story where I read it at Science Daily.

Once again, I feel like I’m in a quandary. I think it is important for women to consider their risk for this disease. But I HATE that studies focus on older women. Haven’t we heard enough stories of young women getting this disease to realize that we have to study the younger populations more? Didn’t the researchers read “Nordie’s at Noon”? Don’t they know that 55 is often too late to worry about risk, that women should consider their risk when they are much younger?

It’s that postmenopausal thing — they have the numbers to be included in research studies. But premenopausal women — there just isn’t great research there.

Anyway, if you are a postmenopausal woman who fits the criteria and is at increased risk, consult your doctor about the benefit of taking Tamoxifen. Weigh the risks against the benefits. If you are premenopausal … nudge your doctors to take any questions or concerns you have seriously and ask them to share with you what research they do have for women your age. Be your own advocate.

cancer, breast cancer, WHI, Tamoxifen, Nordies at Noon, Premenopausal, Postmenopausal

Remember when I suggested we read “Nordie’s at Noon”? Yes, that was September 17th. I’m averaging two months to read a book. How pathetic is that? I remember the day when I could/would read a book in one sitting even if it meant staying up to the wee hours. But now that I hit the pillow exhausted, there’s no more staying up until 2:00 or 3:00 am to gobble up every last page before turning in.

I know one of my loyal readers, Sherry, did just that when she dug into “Nordie’s at Noon”; God bless her, I imagine she no longer has kids living under her roof! Make sure you read her review when you’re done reading mine!

So “Nordie’s at Noon” … the personal stories of four women “too young” for breast cancer. (2006; Da Capo Press; Cambridge, MA; $20 USD).

Whenever I meet a breast cancer survivor, I instantly revel in our commonalities and feel a strong bond connecting us that is intangible but very, very real. It was no different when this book introduced me to the four authors: Patti, Kim, Jennifer and Jana. Even the preface included thoughts on one such commonality. They were of course talking about the bond between the four of them, but for me as a reader, it was a bond between myself and them: “our common bond was ever present: a sense that life is a precious gift and that maybe our affliction was a blessing in disguise because it made us appreciate life all the more” (pg. xvii).

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With breast cancer themed ornaments. Yes, you read that correctly. Ornaments.

Isn’t that shoe perfect? I love Radko’s … I have several of them on my tree. So I need this High-Button Blooms Breast Cancer Awareness ornament. That link brings you to Macy’s where you can purchase that beautiful ornament for $48.

From the Christopher Radko website: “High-Button Blooms represents the 10th annual ornament created by Christopher Radko that supports nationwide charities that bring awareness to the need for a finding a cure for Breast Cancer. Pink is the color of breast cancer awareness, this stylish high-button boot bursting with pink blooms serves as a reminder that we continue to search for a cure.”

I love Radko’s — did I already mention that? I hope my husband reads this one carefully!

Anyway, in case the old-fashioned look of the Radko doesn’t work for you, here’s another you can go for. The Lenox Breast Cancer Ribbon ornament:

It’s available at Macy*s online for $19.99 right now (normally $29). A portion of the proceeds are going to breastcancer.org.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree … how lovely are your branches!

breast cancer, cancer, Christmas, Christmas Tree, Christopher Radko, Ornaments

I just wanted to share with my readers here that an article I wrote for Fairfield Magazine (a regional glossy) now appears online at their website. It’s called, The Heroines of Breast Cancer. Here’s the link. Let me know what you think (better yet, email the editor, and let her know what you think!)

cancer, breast cancer, Fairfield CT, Fairfield Magazine

On today’s show, my co-host and I interviewed Peter Flierl, the husband of a woman who celebrated 25 years of survivorship just yesterday!

Peter is also a writer and a motivational speaker and he’s got serious expertise on the concept of care-giving. He’s written a book called, “Prayer, Laughter, and Broccoli” and he was on the program to talk about the contents of that book — a book that is a downright survival guide for husbands when their wife is diagnosed with breast cancer.

Peter was a fantastic guest — he touched on some great points for husbands to internalize, like ‘Say Yes’ to help, ‘Be Verbal’ with words of love and support for your wife and ‘Help with the Kids.’ But my favorite part of the interview, though, was when Peter shared with us how deeply meaningful and intimate his sexual encounters with his wife were after her treatment — what a new perspective for me as a woman and a wife. I loved hearing his take on this particular issue because, well, it’s beautiful.

You’ve got to give this show a listen. I’ve put an Inspire! icon on the right-hand sidebar of this page under ‘Blogging Flair’ and you can click to listen right from my site here.

If you’re lost, read about my entry into blog talk radio here.

cancer, breast cancer, wellness, husbands, inspiration, caregivers, blog talk radio

Each year on Election Day, my kids’ elementary school PTA has a skating party at a local ice rink. Year after year we go; my kids, my dad and myself. My dad loves skating. And I’ve loved watching my dad skate with my boys. He’s been amazing, each year, holding their hands, trying to teach them how to balance and move forward without wiping out. I’ve not even had to get on the ice; he’s had it all under control.

But this year my dad didn’t want to skate – I’m not sure if the cold he’s had is still bothering him or if he felt weak in the knees – frankly, I don’t want to think too much about his reasons why (he’s not getting any younger, God bless him). He’d come, and he’d bring my niece along as well, but he wasn’t skating this year.

You know that meant one thing was for sure: I was going to have to get out there on the ice with my boys, relocated abdominal muscles and all thanks to that TRAM flap. They were just too young and inexperienced to get out there on their own. They needed their mommy.

Oh, I was so nervous. I hadn’t skated since I was a kid. I desperately wanted to help my boys but I wasn’t sure I’d be much good. But I was out there with them, lap after lap, holding their hands and supporting their arms and coaching them each glide of the way.

Once my son took me down with him. He fell gracefully and I fell with a boom right on my face (I kept my chin up; my knees took the brunt of the fall). Another time one of his classmates took me down after sliding right into the back of my knees – that boom was right on my ass. My spine is still hurting from that one.

Both times I went down I needed help getting up. Without those abdominal muscles, man, certain activities are much more challenging than you can imagine. It takes a whole lot of reprogramming to get my side muscles to compensate for their missing counterparts.

But I did it and man, I just felt so … alive. And so much like a mother. The kind of mother I want to be. Helping my kids achieve their milestones. Coaching them through difficult times. Holding their hands when they are uncertain. Seeing them conquer their fears.

At the end of our time on the ice, we all went for pizza. My dad looked at me at one point and said, “You’re a good skater, you know? You did good today.”

I know he was thinking of my physical accomplishment. But for me, it was about a whole lot more than that.

Yeah, I did good today.

cancer, breast cancer, ice skating

You might be thinking … what does Bon Jovi have to do with breast cancer? The answer is: EVERYTHING, if you are me.

I fell in love with Jon Bon Jovi in the eighties, when he was still an up and coming rock star. His hair, his clothes … I was all about him. The boys I fraternized with knew they were second to him (sad, but true). Somehow I managed to find ones to date that supported my habit. Yes, I’ve been blessed.

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When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, gifts started pouring into my home. I received baskets filled with lotions and creams and candy and cookies. I received homemade goodies and handmade trinkets. And I received flowers. Lots of flowers. MAN did I get flowers. Seems everyone wanted me to know they were thinking of me and nobody realized that I wondered if people thought I was dying.

When I was diagnosed the second time, I received more flowers. Since I was hospitalized for days after my mastectomy/reconstruction, I received some bouquets while I was there. Then I received some when I arrived home.

Six months later, I had that hysterectomy/oopherctomy and guess what? MORE FLOWERS.

Seems everyone wanted me to be surrounded by flowers when I was in the midst of such physical hell. When they died, then I had to deal with the mess they left behind (well, the people taking care of me dealt with the mess, but that’s not the point).

Fast forward to now. Let me tell you, I haven’t received flowers in forever. Not that I’m hinting to ya’ll to step up and order me some flowers (I know, you don’t have my address, or you would, right?). No, I’m just making a point.

Why do we wait until there’s a tragedy to surround the people we love with flowers? Why don’t we think to send them flowers when things are going great to celebrate that?

Send someone flowers, today. Send them to someone who is healthy. But order through ProFlowers and send something from their Pink Ribbon Collection and 10% of the sales price will go to Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Aren’t they beautiful?

And the flowers … they’re beautiful, too.

Remember when Breast Cancer Awareness Month began on October 1st? There was excitement, adrenalin, anticipation, enthusiasm …

But now? National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is over.
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Tomorrow on Inspire!, the Internet Talk Radio show I’m hosting, Donna St. Jean Conti and I are interviewing Kim Dalzell, PhD, RD, LD, registered dietician and doctor of holistic nutrition. (Hmmm … doctor of holistic nutrition?)

I’m sure we’ll touch on her book, ‘Challenge Cancer and Win’ and a myriad of other topics including kitchen-therapy.

“It’s time to shift our thinking and focus to what happens INSIDE when we eat,” says Kim. I’m anxious to find out her take on how what we eat related to breast cancer specifically.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times. I’m not sure I believe in alternative treatment to breast cancer. I’m sure there are some of you who are strong proponents of mind/body therapies in place of mainstream medicine but I’m not in that camp. In addition to mainstream medicine, however … well, I’m fully supportive of it.

But am I willing to change my diet? That’s a tough one. I did watch Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Cancer the other night and I watched her down those wheat grass juice drinks and I just thought … I’m not sold. Of course, if I were staring down the barrel of the Stage IV cancer rifle, I’d probably drink anything. But it was so … green.

I have questions for Kim, for sure. Meanwhile, if you have some you want covered … post them in a comment or email then to me at discussingbreastcancer at gmail dot com and I’ll make sure I ask them for you.

Anyway, tune in tomorrow at 1:00 ET if you want to catch the broadcast LIVE; if not, the airing will be archived for you to listen at your leisure anytime. (If you’re curious about how I came to host the show, check out my original post about it here.)

I’m an avid scrapbooker. Or at least, I was. Today the word avid isn’t necessarily accurate but neither is the word apathetic.

Over the course of three children, two cancer diagnoses and a leap back into the professional world … my lust for the hobby that filled my Friday nights has dwindled. My free time is spent catching up on laundry, beloved television shows, cleaning up the paperwork clutter a family of five generates, reading magazines for pleasure not profit … or SLEEPING. And, I don’t want to waste my girls nights out doing anything productive anymore, I want to kick back with my friends over cocktails not cropping tools.

Recently I got my hands on Memory Mixer “digital scrapbooking made easy” software. Holy cow, I’ve been living in the dark ages. Check out this quick layout I did using my Mac and their software:

The only problem I’m having is that there is so much included I haven’t internalized all my options!

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The other day when I was in my oncologist’s office I overhead a woman talking on her cell phone. She was telling her mother about the Pink Tea she was attending today. I thought, wow, I wish I was going to a Pink Tea. It sounded fun. Feminine. In our world of breast cancer, our sense of our own femininity can be elusive. We’re losing our breasts, we’re losing our hair. Both breasts and hair make us as women feel decidedly feminine. So I tuned into the rest of the conversation.

The Pink Tea to which she was referring was sponsored by Sister’s Journey; that’s a powerful, faith based support group. She was a beautiful black woman. The Sister’s Journey website doesn’t say this, but the woman whose conversation I overhead did: it’s specifically for African-American women.
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