Discussing Breast Cancer

Anyone watch Project Runway? For those of you who don’t, it’s a reality show where contestants are actually talented “unknown” fashion designers competing for the opportunity to show at New York’s Fashion Week. Their competitions involve making clothing suitable for the catwalk.

Well, in January of 2008, the season’s sixth episode aired, and the contestants’ mentor Tim Gunn challenged them to design a dress made from materials gathered during a five minute shopping spree at the Hershey’s Times Square store.

The image to the right is the winning contestant’s exact winning design. And now, it’s available for auction exclusively on projectrunway.com and to benefit the Young Survival Coalition. YEAH!

Keep in mind, the dress is tailored to fit the model and might have unfinished edges due to the nature of the challenge and is sold “AS IS.” Item ships May 2008. HERSHEY’S auction ends March 18, 2008.

Again, here’s a direct link to the auction page. Let me know if you’re going to bid on anything!

(By the way, if you love Project Runway, check out Reality on Bravo!)

My ten year wedding anniversary is today. Ten years ago my husband and I said our vows and pledged to be there for each other ‘in sickness and in health.’

Who would have imagined that ‘in sickness’ part would have turned out to be so much more than the flu.

My husband, God bless him, loves me so much. I think he fell in love with me at first sight. Here’s the story:

I was sitting at a table at the Black Duck Cafe in Westport, CT on a night they had karaoke — I loved going to karaoke. A young man came up to me and told me he had just paged a buddy of his so the pay phone next to my table was about to ring; then he asked me to get him from his table when it did. The phone rang. I answered then went to get the young man at his table. And sitting at that table was another young man, the man who is now my husband, and he caught my eye.

“You’re cute,” I said with a smile. “Young … but cute.” That started a courtship that I was reluctant to begin — to say the least. But he was persistent and I was swayed and somewhere along the way I became committed.

But I had him at “you’re cute.”

Several years (and quite a few ups and downs) later, we exchanged vows.

Today, my husband and I are celebrating the fact that we joined our lives in marriage ten years ago. Ten years, three kids, two bouts of cancer and one house later, we’re still committed. That is such a great, great feeling. For me, knowing my husband didn’t knowingly sign up for the role of caregiver but rose to that challenge so well means everything to me.

Thankfully, and by the grace of God, today is an ‘in health’ day and we are going to celebrate.

And you’re the caregiver. And that means so much falls on you. It’s true, you’re going to be the one bearing the brunt of the stress this year. Here’s a few pointers on what you need to do, for the survivor in your life and yourself, to get through the holidays without wishing them over!

What you need to do for her:

Grant her holiday wishes — see what traditions mean the world to her and make them happen. If that means taking her to pick out the perfect tree, then get out that day to do just that. If lights on the trees outside mean warm memories for her, get them out there. Find out what warms her heart the most and do your best to make sure that warmth permeates her soul.

Take on the givens — organize the shopping list, sit with her and some catalogs and get gift ideas then shop (!); buy the stamps, address the cards then get them mailed; pack up the packages to be shipped (and get them shipped); take the kids for a photo with Santa, take the kids shopping … just take the kids!

Limit the visits — be the heavy with a strong lead out the door to keep your visits to other people’s houses short; suggest she go upstairs and rest when your visitors are lingering too long (hopefully they’ll get the hint); use the cancer card to back out of parties you really don’t want to attend and to stop people from dropping in.

Spend quality time with her — make time to be with her, sitting with her in front of a fire, talking with her over a cup of cocoa, watching a holiday movie together — anything so she gets attention and doesn’t feel alone.

Talk to her — converse about the people she loves and point out the positives … the positive moods, the positive reactions to gifts … notice them, share what you notice, and ask her what she notices, too. Ask what is going well, what she wishes was different (knowing she’ll wish she didn’t have cancer, push the envelope to see what else she wishes was different). Talk to her — about holiday music or holiday movies, about people and animals, about anything. Just stay connected to her verbally this holiday season.

What you need to do for yourself:

Schedule personal time — head to the movies with a friend, stop at a bar for a drink, read the paper at Starbucks with a Gingerbread Latte … anything that will take your mind off cancer for at least an hour.

Exercise — it’ll keep you energized to get through your to do list and help you feel at the top of your game.

Get a good night’s sleep — you need to sleep well at night so you can go, go, go during the day. Figure out how many hours you need to function at your best and give yourself a bedtime. Then stick to it.

Eat well — in fact, eat better than you ever have. Think of food as fuel and go for premium unleaded.

Enjoy the perks — the woman you are caring for will appreciate what you are doing to make the holidays special more than you can imagine, the children who are affected will have holiday memories that aren’t tainted by cancer and the God of all things will bless you with peace, love and joy.

cancer, breast cancer, health, wellness, survivor, caregiver

I’ve been thinking about the woman I know that was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Her double mastectomy was this week and she’s schedule to start chemo within the next two weeks. A close friend and neighbor is coordinating her care — the meals being delivered, the rides for her kids, company for chemo trips, that kind of thing — and it brings me back to my own trials.

I’m a planner, and though I’m not as organized as I was before having three children to account for, I’m pretty much on top of things at home. I kept a master calendar when I was laid up so that I could easily see who was bringing us a meal, who was chauffeuring my kids around, who was bringing me to/from the doctor. I had my laptop with me wherever I was (couch vs. bed) and referred to it constantly.

If I’d have known about these sites! Actually, if my husband had known. Here’s an easy way for your primary caregiver to organize the information that needs to be disseminated and needs to be coordinated. Since November is National Family Caregiver’s Month, I’m happy to provide this information to all of you caregivers out there.

Speaking of caregivers … my last Inspire! Internet talk radio show covered just that — with a focus on getting through the holidays. Check that out when you have a minute.

OKAY, back to the sites I want to share with you. First, there’s CarePages — once you set up an account, you can send updates to everyone at once and limit the number of phone calls you need to make; that’s a serious stress saver. People can also easily offer you words of support — what a nice feature, to be able to read the inspirational messages that people so want to send your way. There’s a lot more to do on that site, so check it out.

Then, there’s CareCalendar — with this site it is easy to not only send updates but list needs and others can see what unmet need you have and sign up to help right online. CarePages might allow that as well, but I’m not sure … so this is the place I’d start if that’s of interest.

Oh, and by the way … if you ARE helping someone this winter by bringing a meal over, forget the overdone casseroles and pasta dishes. Make a hearty bowl of soup (try this recipe!) and bring some crusty bread over along with a fresh green salad. And don’t forget dessert!

You might be thinking … what does Bon Jovi have to do with breast cancer? The answer is: EVERYTHING, if you are me.

I fell in love with Jon Bon Jovi in the eighties, when he was still an up and coming rock star. His hair, his clothes … I was all about him. The boys I fraternized with knew they were second to him (sad, but true). Somehow I managed to find ones to date that supported my habit. Yes, I’ve been blessed.

(more…)

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, gifts started pouring into my home. I received baskets filled with lotions and creams and candy and cookies. I received homemade goodies and handmade trinkets. And I received flowers. Lots of flowers. MAN did I get flowers. Seems everyone wanted me to know they were thinking of me and nobody realized that I wondered if people thought I was dying.

When I was diagnosed the second time, I received more flowers. Since I was hospitalized for days after my mastectomy/reconstruction, I received some bouquets while I was there. Then I received some when I arrived home.

Six months later, I had that hysterectomy/oopherctomy and guess what? MORE FLOWERS.

Seems everyone wanted me to be surrounded by flowers when I was in the midst of such physical hell. When they died, then I had to deal with the mess they left behind (well, the people taking care of me dealt with the mess, but that’s not the point).

Fast forward to now. Let me tell you, I haven’t received flowers in forever. Not that I’m hinting to ya’ll to step up and order me some flowers (I know, you don’t have my address, or you would, right?). No, I’m just making a point.

Why do we wait until there’s a tragedy to surround the people we love with flowers? Why don’t we think to send them flowers when things are going great to celebrate that?

Send someone flowers, today. Send them to someone who is healthy. But order through ProFlowers and send something from their Pink Ribbon Collection and 10% of the sales price will go to Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Aren’t they beautiful?

And the flowers … they’re beautiful, too.

I just read a post at another site about a young woman — 23 years old Amanda — whose mother was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer last year. It has me thinking about support, how I was supported during my treatment, how a local mother is going to be supported during hers … and how Amanda’s family was supported during her mother’s treatment.

See … people did wonderful things for Amanda’s family.

“People sent their cards, their love, and their well-wishes in droves. People we didn’t even know came to us with their own stories of cancer, some positive and some not so positive. People sent flowers and gifts: A girl I worked with, who had never even met my mom, gave her a beautiful crystal bracelet made especially for breast cancer awareness. My boss at the time gave me all the time off in the world so that I could be at home for surgeries and treatments.”

When you are dealing with cancer, little things really do make a difference. So if someone you know is facing a diagnosis, heed my advice. You can do your part to help.

• Write a handwritten card.
• Send a gift (or gifts for the children/spouse in the house).
• Make meals … not just dinner, either; deliver bagels or muffins, deli meats or breads.
• Bring over treats and snacks (especially good for those kids again).

But you can do other things to help, too. Here are a few of my favorites from my experience:

• Bring them a Soduko book and teach them how to do it. To this day I think of the woman who did that for me whenever I pick up one of these puzzles to do.
• Compile a CD of inspirational, celebratory or empowering songs. I love the CD that a friend of mine made just for me during that time.
• Help children express their love and support. One mom helped my son make me a gift (a beaded necklace) when he was at her house for a playdate with her son.

There’s so much you can do to help someone in need. Be creative, be thoughtful … and be inspired!

Housekeeping details: There’s still time to enter the Belkin iPod nano case giveaway.

I just realized I’ve left you all hanging since I last wrote about my own treatment … on June 25th I shared a little about my post op experience. I was about to share a story about my children visiting me in the hospital and that’s when I stopped writing.

I re-read that post this morning then remembered why I never moved forward Here’s why:

I thought I’d give my husband, Tim, a chance to speak for himself, to describe those hours in the waiting room, those NINE hours in the waiting room, before delving into my children’s’ experience. I didn’t realize that the waiting was so difficult for Tim that he’d not get too much down on paper.

Here’s what I can share with you today:

(more…)

When Tim and I went to Fairfield University’s Relay for Life event we bid on a few silent auction items. Turns out I won one of them: a great Fairfield University sweatshirt!

There are three reasons this is so exciting to me: (1) I won something (2) I graduated from Fairfield U and (3) I love comfy clothes.

Time to write another check to the American Cancer Society!

Did I ever post about the skeptic who wondered what I did with my earnings from this board? HA! It’s almost a joke when I think about her skepticism. I give, and give, and give. Let me tell you, Tim and I are not living the high life here, we barely make ends meet most months. What I earn is a dime in comparison to the dollars we contribute to the cause.

I’m not discussing breast cancer for the income. I’m discussing breast cancer for the same reason you are reading this post right now. I care deeply about this cause.

Now, it’s time to turn the air conditioner up so I can wear my new sweatshirt!

Back to Tuesday, May 2nd.

I don’t remember much of my pre-op experience. The anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me something to help me relax before they put me to sleep. I hadn’t stopped crying since I said ‘goodbye’ to my husband and I’m sure they needed me to knock that off.

The meds were was effective, so they said. I personally don’t recall much. Did you know they also give you something via IV that makes you forget those pre-surgical moments?

Seriously … I remember getting on the table, hearing the anesthesiologist explain he was going to give me something to relax … then the next thing I remember is coming out of this dream, begging them not to wake me up, telling them I wasn’t ready, then feeling this horrible scraping in my throat, like they were pulling my guts up through my esophagus. I wanted to wretch but was not yet able to move. I realized after two other surgeries that I’d been intubated and they had to pull that tube out. I also realized it would be a while before the messages I heard in my brain were actually communicated to the rest of my body.

Things happen very quickly post-op. While still in a fog I was wheeled to a recovery area. I still couldn’t move, I thought at first that was medication related. I didn’t realize it was also self-preservation; even the slightest movement would cause such tremendous pain that my brain wouldn’t allow it.

I could barely open my eyes. They were dried out after being closed for so long. I needed Visine. My own was on my bedside table, had been ever since the Tamoxifen started causing my eyes to dry out each night. Now I just had to explain that to someone and that was challenging.

My husband was by my side almost immediately. I later found out my sense of time was way off (yours would be too if you were operated on for so many hours) and I’d actually been in and out of sleep post-op for quite a while before he was allowed to see me.

He scrambled to try to get me Visine but it wasn’t easy without leaving my side. My best friend had some in her purse, but she wasn’t allowed in to see me, and he was hesitant to leave me.

I was doing “as expected” according to the medical staff, but my husband says I was in horrible shape. Of course, he was emotionally wrought after such a long day in the waiting room. And I … I kept saying I seriously felt as if I’d been hit by a train. (I know, it’s cliche — it was all I could muster up under the circumstances. Now, all the times I’d said that exact phrase seemed ridiculously over exaggerated. This was the real deal. I felt as though I was hit by an Amtrak Acela that didn’t slow down for a minute before smashing my unexpecting body into bits.)

I’d later hear from my surgeon that if train wreck victims could be so lucky they’d come out like me. But I was thinking the ones that died? They got the better end of the deal. They didn’t have to experience this type of excruciating pain any longer.

Breast Cancer, Surgery, Mastectomy

They’re still going on … please vote for this blog for Best Health Blog:

My husband and I arrived at Yale just past dawn on Tuesday morning, May 2nd, 2006. We pulled into the valet parking circle and I couldn’t help but think it would have been so much nicer if we were arriving at a fancy restaurant for brunch instead of the hospital where both my breasts were being removed.

First, we headed to the admission office. Just days before I’d been there for pre-op testing. Now it was time for the real deal. My leaded heart hurt just as much as my caffeine-deprived head.

After we’d check int, we headed upstairs to the surgical floor. We were guided to my cubicle, passing family after family in their own personal cubicles, and I was given a gown to change into. With the curtain pulled closed, I stripped off my clothes, the last bit of comfort I’d feel for days, and sat barely covered in the wanna be lounge chair they provided.

The first thing the nurse noticed when she walked in to check on me was that I still wore my wedding ring. I was purposeful about that, having left off all other jewelry, but my wedding band … “that has to come off,” she said.

That was when the tears started. I handed the ring to my husband and noticed he was filled to the brim with tears as he took them from my shaking hand.

They provided blankets to keep my body as warm as possible as they prepped me for surgery. There were residents with clipboards and nurses with notebooks coming in and out of the cubicle and everyone was checking things off and writing things down and all I wanted to do was sit there quietly with the man I loved.

Then the anesthesiologist came in to start my IV. He was very kind, very warm, and in a way, I wished he’d been as cold and clinical as the minions that had been there before him. His bedside manner made me feel human and important and that opened up the floodgates of fear and anxiety that I’d been working so hard to contain. I nearly exploded with pre-op emotion and adrenalin.

When it was time to get me to the OR he allowed me to sit in a chair instead of lying down on a gurney so that I could see where we were going. My husband held my hand and walked beside me for as long as he could … then the anesthesiologist showed him the waiting room and we had to quickly say goodbye.

I really wish he could have come to that room with me.

Breast Cancer, Double Mastectomy, Surgery, Reconstruction

They’re still going on … please vote for this blog for Best Health Blog:

Today I’m drinking my “to go” cup of coffee in my new Einstein Bros. cause worthy travel mug. My husband brought this pink beauty home for me over the weekend; $1.50 was donated to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation as a result of his purchase of $16.99.

Today, lots of people sport pink ribbons, or use a “pink” products, as a way of showing their support for a survivor friend or family member. It’s easy to do because the retail world is covered with wonderful “pink” products. And let’s face it, it means so much to us survivors, even if it seems overkill at times.

When my husband wears his Making Strides Against Breast Cancer shirt, I am filled with compassion and love; he loves me so much he’ll tell the world that he supports me in my fight. And forget it, if my kids want to wear a pink ribbon pin on their clothes? I just about rip my face apart with my smile.

One of the best ways to show support for someone with breast cancer is to show them that you think about the disease and their battle with it all the time — because God knows they think about it all the time.

So thanks Einstein Bros. — for a good cup of Joe and a good mug to go.

For readers who are new to my writing … when I discover cause worthy products that I love, I’ll showcase them (and in case you are a marketer, the greater the contribution to the cause, the greater my respect for you, so thank you!).