Discussing Breast Cancer

Not sure “Why I Wore Lipstick” was a popular choice for the May book club selection (no comments).

So … I’m putting the June book club selection choice to a vote. Remember, whatever the majority chooses, we read.

On the last Wednesday of the month I’ll post my review; if you email me, I’ll post yours … OR you can just add your two cents in a comment and we’ll let the discussion prevail!

This month’s book club selection was Geralyn Lucas’ memoir. The book has enjoyed lots of hype; check out its spin off website. (The Lifetime movie based on the book is available on that site for download. FYI, I saw the movie and I’m not sure the book was better. It was more in-depth, and more honest, though I’m not sure that’s a good thing.)

Geralyn was 27 when she was diagnosed. She had a killer job at 20/20, one she earned and deserved, and a doctor husband, who she probably also earned and deserved. She began wearing red lipstick in college and each time she put it on she felt her confidence rise. Red lipstick gave her power. So much power that she wore it to her mastectomy surgery and her topless photo shoot for SELF magazine’s annual breast cancer handbook. That was the overall theme of the book — a good theme indeed.

I feel bad, really bad, for saying this … but her job, her husband, her connections … they all made Geralyn a bit unreal to me. (Barbara Walters sent her three dozen white roses while she was in the hospital for heaven’s sake, not something many of us can relate to.)

Also, Geralyn was way to wrapped up in physical beauty to begin with for us to have much in common. I should have expected that, it says right on the front jacket of the dust flap that she was “a young girl with cancer in a beauty-obsessed culture.” My looks have never defined me and hers sure as heck have.

In the first chapter, Geralyn wrote, “First my breast will be cut off. Then my hair will fall out. And when there is nothing left to strip, maybe there will be a revelation of a different beauty underneath.”

Amen, I thought, bring it on! I wanted to read about her revelation. But I didn’t. Instead I read about her implants and her personalized tattoo — her recovery process all seemed so vain. I was just so happy to be alive after my double mastectomy/reconstruction, I really didn’t care if I was still turning heads (Geralyn was proud that she’d always turned heads before, that was part of who she was).

Now before you start getting all turned off by the book, there were great anecdotes inside, however, and I thought it was easy and entertaining to read. Like this one from Chapter 4: “If a one-balled-man and an about-to-be-one-boobed-woman can somehow end up dancing in a taxi in a city of millions and figure out this hidden truth within the span of a seven minute cab ride then somehow I will survive this ordeal.” I loved that line. I also loved the truth to which she was referring … that “any luck thrown our way we need to grab and try to believe good things will happen.” it’s a great truth. A truth deeper than physical appearance meaning the world.

I wanted Geralyn to be as empowered as she claimed to be as she lost her hair but instead she clung to the very last piece with utter dependency.

I wanted Geralyn to write more about the trouble she had with her husband during that time and help me understand that she was able to make love to him the night she came home from the hospital, draw apart from him after that, then come together to have a child with him … I wanted more from her there and I didn’t get it.

In Chapter 12, she wrote she “had definitely discovered” her “inner cleavage” but she didn’t show me that she had. As a writer, I kept thinking … show me Geralyn, don’t tell me.

Perhaps the most meaningful line in the entire book was written in the afterward: “Sometimes I think about what would have happened had I not done that breast exam and saved my life. All the moments and all the lipstick shades I would have missed.”

That’s powerful. I love that she laced the lipstick analogy throughout the entire book and even ended with it in just that way. It’s a powerful analogy about power.

I just didn’t feel she really, really believed what she was writing.

This month I’ve chosen to read “Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy,” by Geralyn Lucas.

Geralyn, now living in New York City with her husband and two precious children, discovered she had breast cancer at age 27, just when her marriage was blossoming and her career was rocketing. She reached the world with her story of what it means to be a young breast cancer survivor.

I haven’t read this now famous book (though I’ve wanted to) but I have seen the movie (It’s a Lifetime Original); I’m anxious to dig in and compare the two. The Lifetime Website has a synopsis, some trailers, an interview with Geralyn, an excerpt from the book and some breast cancer resources as well.

You can also visit the “Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy” website and download the movie via iTunes. This last link brings you to a fantastic page of breast cancer resources and inspirational survivor letters. Give yourself time to peruse those pages.

Here’s an Amazon.com link if you’d like to purchase the book. Or head over to your local library or bookstore and pick one up to start reading today.

I’ll be posting my review on Wednesday, May 30th.

If you want to learn what it would be like to face breast cancer as a single woman in your early thirties than read Cathy Bueti’s memoir, “Breastless in the City.”

In the book (as it was in her life), Cathy’s breast cancer diagnosis and treatment was intertwined with her search for love. Most of us at least faced breast cancer with our spouse by our sides — not Cathy.

See, Cathy’s husband was killed in a car accident when she was 25 years old. Nobody should be widowed that young!

Then she got breast cancer … can you imagine?

Right away the introduction to the book intrigued me … “The probability of becoming a widow at the age of 25 is infinitesimally small; the probability of developing breast cancer around the age of 30 is far less than one in 10,000. If we really think about this, what is the likelihood that these two events would happen to one woman?”

As I reached the end of her story, not only did I want her to thrive as a survivor, I wanted her to find love — I think she deserved to.

But let me take a step back.

Cathy’s breast cancer story is not unlike many others: she found a lump when she was in her early thirties, she went to her doctor, got a mammogram, needed a biopsy, found out it was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), she’d need a lumpectomy, perhaps radiation, perhaps chemo … she got a second opinion (something I always, always recommend), and though the two doctors concurred, she still opted for a mastectomy with reconstruction (a wise, wise personal choice because there was indeed lymph node involvement!) … she chose the TRAM flap and MAN don’t I know what she was talking about in terms of her recovery … then needed six months of chemotherapy.

Cathy’s description of the post operative ‘trauma’ and the side effects of treatment were so similar to my own: “The first thing I remember after surgery is feeling as if I’d been run over by a truck! I guess I am still alive, I thought. From my breasts down to my thighs, everything felt like a combination of a burning pain and numbness.”

Yup. I definitely felt that way after my double mastectomy/TRAM flap. Almost exactly that same way. Except that I’d most likely use the phrase ‘hit by a train’ in my memoir (still unwritten, of course, but maybe some day).

Here’s another experience you might recognize as your own: “As I knelt on the floor hugging the bowl, it felt as if all my insides were going to come out. I was shaking, sweating, and wondering how the hell I would get through this. I screamed and pounded my hand on the side of the bowl. Then I started crying. I felt completely alone.”

It was painful to read about someone else’s pain but even more jubilant to read about someone else’s survival — and of course by the end of the book she gets there.

I have to say that the other thread of the book, Cathy’s trials and errors in the dating world, weren’t as easy for me to relate to. Not that I didn’t date but I never utilized online dating services — Cathy’s method of choice.

After dating EIGHT different guys (yes, I counted) I started to wonder if she would ever find another soul mate. Poor Cathy, I kept thinking each time she’d start dating another loser … this sucks. These guys were total schmucks.

I’m so glad this was our April book club selection. I enjoyed reading about Cathy. I love survivor stories in general and this one brought an entirely new issue to light … dating through breast cancer treatment.

I’ll bet you’re wondering if Cathy ever did find someone to share her life with. Well, you’ll just have to read the book yourself to find out, I’m not giving away the ending.

Now it’s your turn … if you read the book, tell us what you thought in the comments below (just don’t give away the ending!).

Back in the days when I was posting regularly to The Breast Blog I started an online book club.

At the beginning of a given month I’d post the name of a book we’d be reading on our own but as a group. At the end of the month, I’d review the book online. A discussion would follow in the comments (at least that was the plan). If someone wanted to offer their own review, they could email me and I’d post their review, too!

Before I moved to this site, a book was chosen for April. It is time to discuss that book and I decided the discussion will take place here.

So … visitors of The Breast Blog had the pleasure of reading a memoir by Cathy Bueti called, “Breastless in the City.” One reader even won herself a gratis copy thanks to Cathy herself.

I’ll be reviewing “Breastless in the City” here at Discussing Breast Cancer on Wednesday, April 25th. You still have time to rush over to the library or bookstore and pick up a copy if you want to read it first.

May’s book club selection will be announced shortly thereafter!

Any questions or comments?

I got this email blast today (and I’ll share it verbatim with you all because I think it is GREAT!):

“JANE magazine discovered in a recent survey of their readers that a shocking 75% of women say they are unhappy with their breasts. With that in mind, the May issue of JANE features “The JANE Guide to Breast Health” - a comprehensive feature promoting physical and emotional breast health. The guide focuses on positive self-image beginning with a personal essay by Editor Annemarie Conte discussing how she grew to love her asymmetrical breasts. Following the essay is a full-page of photos of real (100% natural) breasts in a variety of shapes and sizes to show readers the large range that is “normal.” The photos combat the media bombardment of false images of “perfection” that just leave women feeling bad about themselves. Each of the photographs is accompanied by the real woman’s reason for loving her breasts. The page also calls out to Jane readers to submit photos of their own breasts and their reasons for loving them to be posted on Jane’s website, janemag.com.

Geralynn Lucas, author of “Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy” will be blogging for Jane’s website, janemag.com, for the month of May. Her first posting on “Inner Cleavage” is up today. “Inner cleavage,” according to Lucas, “is a state of mind. It is a belief that you are sexy regardless of your cup size. It means loving the boobs you own. It doesn’t require a plastic surgeon, implants, padding or push up bras. It means that I am not only my bra size.”

The May issue hits newsstands nationwide on April 24th.”

In yesterday’s post I mentioned my silent recitation of The Lord’s Prayer while I laid on the radiation therapy table. I find comfort in The Lord’s Prayer because I’ve had it memorized since I was a small child (yes, I am a cradle Catholic) — that makes it easy to recite during times of duress.

I’ve read, repeated and studied each line of The Lord’s Prayer and always find it the most complete, most perfect prayer there is. (That comes as no surprise because it is the one prayer Jesus himself taught us to pray as told by Matthew and Luke in the New Testament.)

It works for me but it is important for you to know, there isn’t just one way to pray, no right way to pray, no single prayer that is the only prayer you could/should say. (There are countless prayers and types of prayer; see Wikipedia article on prayer).

The important thing to recognized is the strong correlation between prayer and healing. Prayer has been proven to relieve stress and improve one’s spirits and wellbeing. Breastcancer.org, one of my favorite resources for breast cancer patients and their families, has an article explaining the spiritual component of breast cancer treatment.

Here’s a link to the preface (and order form) for a great book of prayers called “You Are Never Alone” published by the Oncological Nursing Society … “a constant companion for the patient with breast cancer.”

If you find yourself wanting to pray right now without a resource like that or other books or your own words … you can peruse this list of belief.net prayer topics and choose a prayer that speaks to you.

Or try repeating this prayer that I wrote tonight …

Dearest Lord, thank you for facilitating our diagnoses so that we can do our part to heal the cancer growing within our bodies. Please bless all survivors with the strength we need to withstand our medical treatments. Grant the medical professionals who treat us the wisdom and skill to cure us if that is your will; and if your will is for us to live with cancer then give us the peace that is necessary to truly say … thy will be done. Amen.

In previous posts I shared what led me to get my initial diagnosis of breast cancer … now I’ll share what led me to get a second opinion.

During that fateful phone call on Thursday, July 17, 2003, when I received my diagnosis, the surgeon explained she had booked an OR for the following week to perform a lumpectomy. The fact that she did this without consulting me first terrified me. If I was truly Stage 0, why the rush? Didn’t I have options? Besides, I had a vacation planned … if this wasn’t an emergency, couldn’t this wait until I returned from my vacation?

I called back the next day and questioned the receptionist; she recommended I do some research on my own over the weekend, starting with a quick read of the book, “The Breast Cancer Survival Manual,” by Dr. John Link, “a step by step guide for the woman with newly diagnosed breast cancer.”

Of course I got the book that night and started reading. After reading the acknowledgments and the introduction I read the most important chapter of the book. Chapter 1: Second Opinions.

At that point I recognized that the surgeon I’d scheduled the biopsy with was a general surgeon, not a breast surgeon, and the hospital she was affiliated with was not a renowned cancer hospital.

I needed and wanted a second opinion even if it would take time and money. And it needed to be with a cancer specialist. I owed that to my children.

On Monday, I consulted US News & World Report’s List of the best cancer hospitals. I’m only an hour North of New York City, so I visited the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center website, the number one cancer hospital on the list, and found an 800 number. I called.

The woman on the phone from MSKCC recommended I make an appointment at the Yale Cancer Center, another one of 39 National Cancer Institute Designated Cancer Centers and the only one in Connecticut. She said they’d gladly see me at MSKCC and discuss my case, but since I had young children and was in close proximity to Yale, a hospital they regarded as excellent, I should start there. If I was unhappy with the service and attention I received at that consultation, however, thought they doubted I would be, I should call back and get an appointment at MSKCC.

I called Yale first thing the next morning. My surgery was scheduled for Thursday, remember, only two days away, and I wanted a second opinion immediately!

Amazingly, the oncology department had a cancellation for Wednesday afternoon. I snagged that appointment. I scrambled to the various offices to collect my mammogram films and biopsy report and headed up to New Haven.

The medical oncologist, Dr. Gina Chung, was surprised I entered their system through her. Usually with cases like mine, initial appointments were made with a breast surgeon, because that’s the ‘first step.’ But coincidentally, Dr. Donald Lannin, the Executive Director of the Yale Comprehensive Breast Center and Professor of Surgery for the Section of Oncologic and Endocrine Surgery happened to be on the floor.

Some things happen for a reason. If you’ve never believed that before you start to believe that after a cancer diagnosis.

Both doctors spoke with my husband and I that day. They both agreed with my previous surgeon’s recommendation to start with surgery — but explained it should be more of a partial mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy because there was no lump, just some milk ducts filled with cancer cells. They both agreed I should go there because of their credibility as a cancer treatment hospital.

Then they explained that Elspeth Knill-Selby, A.P.N., Affiliated, Surgery, would call me to schedule the partial mastectomy. After my surgery we’d meet again and go over the resulting plan for treatment based on the pathology results. He told me to rest assured that a few weeks wouldn’t make a difference, so since I already had vacation plans, it could wait until I got home.

I made the decision on the spot to switch to their care.

Before I left, they asked if I’d be willing to let them review my case in their Wednesday afternoon clinic — I jumped at that, immediately seeing the benefit of affiliating my case with a teaching hospital. I’d have the best and the brightest minds looking at my films, my biopsy report, and eventually … my pathology.

I went home, canceled the surgery that the original general surgeon had scheduled on my behalf. Elspeth called me to schedule a subsequent surgery with Dr. Lannin on August 18th.

I relaxed … having done my homework and taken control I felt far more empowered than I had expected.